Bring on the controversy
Every couple weeks, I tune into Momversation, a video blog featuring a group of well-known Mommy Bloggers. The topics are usually pretty easy, like What Movies Do Your Kids Watch? or Balancing Parenting and Work. Okay, those topics aren’t ‘easy’, but I don’t think they’re exceedingly emotional. Today’s, however, dealt with the very sensitive issue of miscarriage.
I know quite a few women who have lost a child, and I am so, so sorry that they had to endure that pain. I’m terrified that I will miscarry, and given how common it is, I probably will at some point. I can’t imagine knowing that there is a child growing inside me, only to have it taken away from me before we get to properly meet. In a discussion of miscarriage, no one ever acts as thought anything less than tragic has happened. In that situation, even when the fetus was only in the first trimester, it is always considered to be the loss of a life.
So why, then, is a first trimester aborted fetus not considered to be living as well?
I don’t mean to be offensive here, but I honestly can’t see a difference. Two weeks or twelve, if I knew I was pregnant and then I suddenly wasn’t anymore, I would feel like I lost a child…I think many women would feel the same way. But some of those women might be pro-choice, and would then argue that a woman who has an abortion in the first trimester isn’t killing a child. It has died, it has died unnaturally, but it wasn’t killed? Because it wasn’t a fully formed baby yet? But it would have been considered to be a baby if she wanted to keep the child and it died all on it’s own?
What?
I think legislation should stay away from the human body, so I’m not taking a stance as politically Pro Life or Pro Choice. Morally, though, I have a serious problem with this double standard, especially when there are so many safe haven and adoption options.
I would really like to hear some other opinions on this, especially from women who have dealt with any aspect of this. Male perspectives are welcome, too….pregnancy affects everyone, in one way or another.
October 26th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
It’s really a very individual thing and I think it depends on the circumstances of the pregnancy. What mother would bond with a zygote conceived in rape? Then there are the young and stupid who eschew contraception only to wind up pregnant and are not willing to accept such a drastic change in their chosen life path.
I’m one of those who suffered a miscarriage at seven week’s gestation. Actually it was a missed miscarriage, meaning the embryo lost viability within my uterus, but my body did not expel it. I had to undergo a D&C, a procedure to clean out my uterus. Was I attached to that seven week old zygote? You betcha. But then I had wanted to give life to a new human, but it wasn’t meant to be. Would I force any other woman to carry a fetus she did not want? Hell no. It’s up to her to decide what to do.
October 26th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
If a woman wants a baby and means to get pregnant and she has a miscarriage,it would certainly be great loss to her. The baby is something, some one, she wanted and chose to bring into the world. If on the other hand the woman did not wish to become pregnant and terminated her pregnancy, then I don’t imagine she would feel the same sense of loss. Loss, sadness, most likely, I don’t think anyone would be happy about terminating a preganancy, but for some it is the best answer for a very difficult question.
October 27th, 2009 at 8:23 am
I agree, I don’t see a difference either. I understand people who feel it was the best choice they could make even if I disagree. But let’s be honest about what is happening.